Friday, October 14, 2011

One Month Old Baby

Here she is! Getting bigger :)

The first month has been a mix of emotions. The first two weeks were probably the hardest time of my life. Now at one month, it's still hard, but we're managing better.

What's been going on....

It seemed like no matter how hard I tried (with her latching, nipple confusion, & eventually using a nipple shield) or how long I nursed her (for eight hours straight one night) she was never satisfied. Everyone says you'll feel like a cow with them attached to you nearly every hour. So I expected nursing her every 1-2 hours. But what she was doing wasn't normal. She was not getting enough and therefore would be on me every five minutes for hours and hours straight. I cried every sleepless night and and every morning where I felt like I just couldn't do it anymore. So I began supplementing. I felt like a complete failure. I hated each time she would have to suck down formula. I only want the BEST for my baby. My goal was at least six months of exclusively breastfeeding. But Addison needed a sane, happy mommy. Everyone kept telling me she would be just fine, happy mommy= happy baby. Weeks 3 and 4 I pumped during the day and nursed her at night. She ended up getting about 50/50. However after advice from my doctor, for personal reasons, I am now weaning off and she will be just on formula. Although this wasn't my plan I'm not going to continue beating myself up over it like I had been. I know she will be perfectly fine. 

What sleep? I didn't sleep for two weeks straight. It is getting better, slightly. But being sleep deprived can take a toll on you. Again, I thank my husband for helping out. I'm not quite sure how single moms do it, or moms with twins. I give them big props! She likes to eat every two hours still, sometimes she will push three hours. So we are up very often! For the most part she sleeps in her bassinet beside my bed. Occasionally I will let her sleep on me in the morning. 

Sick Baby
My hub and I were sick for a day or two, sore throats & head colds. Then I noticed Addison had a very raspy voice. I could tell she wasn't feeling well. One night she just cried and cried, I knew her poor throat hurt her. But there was nothing I could do :( I just tried comforting her best I could. Two hours later she finally feel asleep. There's nothing worse then seeing your baby upset and feeling helpless. I think she's still getting through it, I'm hoping she feels better. 

Through all the struggles and sleepless nights, I can not imagine loving her any more. The past couple of mornings when I talk to her she lights up with a big smile right at me. My heart melts. The first time she did it made me teary eyed. I can't wait for more and more of them! And I can't wait to capture it on camera! Here's a hint of one...

one month1
There's so much I look forward to. I know I will miss this itty bitty baby one day though, so I'm trying to soak up the moments she is snuggled up on my chest and the when she wraps her tiny hand around my finger. There's nothing like it.

Items we couldn't have survived without:
The vibrating rocker that came with her pack n play. I cannot say enough about it. She sleeps in it most of the day and is usually instantly comforted. I highly recommend this device.
The sleep sheep. Addison LOVES this. It helps her sleep so much better. The only downfall is it only stays on for 45 minutes. When that time is up, so is she. But I just press the button again and she's lights out :)

Here is here "brand new" photo for comparison!

one month


Mandy@ a sorta fairytale said...

There is a lot of pressure on Mom's to breastfeed these days. And I totally get why, but at the same time... you have to do what is best for you AND for your baby. You're doing great Mama! She's adorable!

Kim Stevens said...

Hi Jeska! Oh so cute - it's been ages since I've held a little miracle like that. They just smell so good. And you are right, you've made the transition, don't beat yourself up over something that just isn't working for you or her. My babies were 9 1/2 and 10.7 at birth and although they ate alot I think being bigger helped them to sleep better too.

Allie said...

She is so adorable, and she has already gotten so big!!! I am glad you are getting some sleep, happy rested mom definitely makes for a happier baby too!

Jessica said...

She doesn't look that big but then you posted that brand new shot side-by-side! Wow, what a difference a month makes! And so funny about the vibrating rocker and the sleep sheep - we tried both and Julia hated them both! But she loved the swing. I'll never cease to be amazed at how they're truly all little individuals, right from the beginning! Hope things continue to look up for you guys. Six weeks is a turning point and right around the corner!

AllyceR said...

Good for you for making a decision that fits you and your baby. She is so cute and has grown so much already! We have that same pack and play so I'm glad to hear you like it, I was a little questionable about that rocker.

Lindsay said...

I wish my pack-n-play would've come with a vibrating rocker! Jealous! She's precious!

x S.K.K x said...

She is an adorable little doll! So beautiful! You are so strong! I'm sure her beautiful little smile will make all the tough times worth it!!!

Hanna said...

I miss this little baby-sized baby stage already! Gah, take me back! Your girl is gorgeous :)

Jenn said...

Reading your post just gave me flashbacks of when I first had Leah. Just like you, I cried (for what seemed like ALL the time!) and just wanted to throw in the towel. Leah, too, struggled with breastfeeding. It took her 20 minutes just to latch on, 30 minutes to feed [switch] and repeat every 1-2 hours. You did better than me bc I gave up after a WEEK, ha! As much as I disliked feeding my child formula, it wasn't worth even more sleep & stress that I was already having. But I promise you (slowly but surely) sleep will come :) Hang in there!

The Best of Both Worlds said...

Ugh breastfeeding. I was there too crying in the glider day after day. Poor Jon thought I was going to loose it. But I was feeding her for what felt like non stop. & I to felt like a failure when I couldn't do it anymore but we cant look at it like that and your doing the best job doing what you need to do for you and baby girl! She is beautiful!

Anonymous said...

So sweet. You should take a photo with that lamb each month. As far as breastfeeding you did the best you could do. You are doing what is best for you both and that is all that matters.

Kat said...

It's true about happy mommy = happy baby! If nursing her wasn't working out, you should NOT feel guilty about giving her formula! You should be super proud of the fact that you tried and tried hard! The decisions you made ARE what's best for her

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